This is too funny to pass up. It comes from dilbert's newsletter. You can subscribe at www.dilbert.com
I was working at a small family-owned company. At an all-hands meeting, the pointy-haired president of the company (the founder's son) announced that he had added a new employee to the staff: his daughter. "Now, some people might accuse me of incest, but this is actually a good business decision." There was a long pause before one of us wretches asked: "Uh...don't you mean 'nepotism'?"
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I tried swimming at an outdoor pool today. Five signs that this is not one of my brighter moments:
1) It's the last day the pool is open before it closes for winter.
2) The lifeguard is wearing two layers.
3) It is advertised as a heated outdoor pool (26 degrees) which isn't very hot at all.
4) You can feel the chill when you surface for each stroke.
5) You want to keep swimming even after you are wrinkled, just to avoid having to get out.
And another thing about public swimming pools here: There are no individual showers in the female changing room. You shower in a row, guy-style. It's unsettling.
why wy?
Wednesday, March 31, 2004 at 7:41 PM
Tuesday, March 30, 2004 at 6:07 PM
Our washing machine is a gateway to the another dimension - the planet sockus. Socks are kidnapped by aliens, taken to a kinder gentler and less smelly world. Where socks don't have to go out in matching pairs. The kidnapped socks return and incite rebellion among the other socks until the wardrobe is free. Or something like that.
Nick's sock vanished in the wash, only to surface two loads later. And a horrid, Barbie pink at that. His washing machine - brand new, but cheaper because it was slightly dented - shakes, rattles and rolls better than James Brown. It vibrates like nothing I've ever seen before. And it vibrated more violently than usual when Nick's sock went missing. I washed a load of clothes which had something red in them and the whole wash came out pink. Still no sock. We checked the machine. It finally surfaced during the last load with my labcoat. Bizarre.
Nick has decided he rather wear two matching pink socks then a mismatched pair (he's very brave), so we will have to wash the other sock and hopes it doesn't take another intergalactic trip.
Nick's sock vanished in the wash, only to surface two loads later. And a horrid, Barbie pink at that. His washing machine - brand new, but cheaper because it was slightly dented - shakes, rattles and rolls better than James Brown. It vibrates like nothing I've ever seen before. And it vibrated more violently than usual when Nick's sock went missing. I washed a load of clothes which had something red in them and the whole wash came out pink. Still no sock. We checked the machine. It finally surfaced during the last load with my labcoat. Bizarre.
Nick has decided he rather wear two matching pink socks then a mismatched pair (he's very brave), so we will have to wash the other sock and hopes it doesn't take another intergalactic trip.
Sunday, March 28, 2004 at 5:54 PM
if you ever find yourself hunting down a serial killer, and come across a dead officer in your pursuit, shoot the dead guy in the foot, just in case it turns out to be the serial killer in disguise. Then he can't chase after you. If it turns out to be just another dead guy, another bullet won't make much difference. Who says they are no life lessons to be learnt from tv? Obviously the same point doesn't apply when you're being chased by killer zombies.
The weather's been really kind, long hot days perfect for the beach. Unfortunately, I haven't found time to do the beach thing yet.
Also haven't had time to go car shopping yet. New cars are relatively cheap compared to Singapore, and if I was still working I would plonk down for a golf or something. But when you're here as a student even $20k cars are expensive. What's within my budget are cars that were brand new when I was in primary school. Cars that you would have to say a prayer before turning the ignition.
There's a $19 million lottery draw next week, so maybe, just maybe I won't have to bargain with a sleazy used-car salesman.
The weather's been really kind, long hot days perfect for the beach. Unfortunately, I haven't found time to do the beach thing yet.
Also haven't had time to go car shopping yet. New cars are relatively cheap compared to Singapore, and if I was still working I would plonk down for a golf or something. But when you're here as a student even $20k cars are expensive. What's within my budget are cars that were brand new when I was in primary school. Cars that you would have to say a prayer before turning the ignition.
There's a $19 million lottery draw next week, so maybe, just maybe I won't have to bargain with a sleazy used-car salesman.
Friday, March 26, 2004 at 10:06 PM
time for audience participation: I've been invited to a housewarming party next week. Theme: Come (no pun intended i hope) as your favourite porn star. So, I need to have a decent porn star name. The recommended way ( on the invite sheet no less) is to take the name of your first pet as your first name, and your street as your last name.
Now, I've never had any pets, except for 7 guppies in a jar that died quite rapidly. So guppy roberts doesn't quite cut it. Any suggestions? Roberts is the name of my street, in case you haven't figured that out. Answers by Thursday latest.
Still on the subject of sex, the anatomy prof has this hilarious memory device for remembering the bones of the wrist: Some lovers try positions they can't quite handle. Ask the doctors in the group to explain this one. Another one to remember the same sequence was something about tiny tim's christmas pudding which obviously doesn't stick in the mind the same way.
Yawn. The bed beckons.
Now, I've never had any pets, except for 7 guppies in a jar that died quite rapidly. So guppy roberts doesn't quite cut it. Any suggestions? Roberts is the name of my street, in case you haven't figured that out. Answers by Thursday latest.
Still on the subject of sex, the anatomy prof has this hilarious memory device for remembering the bones of the wrist: Some lovers try positions they can't quite handle. Ask the doctors in the group to explain this one. Another one to remember the same sequence was something about tiny tim's christmas pudding which obviously doesn't stick in the mind the same way.
Yawn. The bed beckons.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004 at 6:35 PM
my housemate nick just set off the fire alarm. Gave me a fright. Thought it was me surfing onto some super security site. He was cooking something in the kitchen.
School went well today. We all did massages on each other. There are a few people in the class who are actually qualified massage therapists, so can't wait to be teamed up with them.
School went well today. We all did massages on each other. There are a few people in the class who are actually qualified massage therapists, so can't wait to be teamed up with them.
Monday, March 22, 2004 at 6:53 AM
I met Gandalf near Flinders Station over the weekend. Recognised him by the staff, two lengths of wood curled around one another and topped with a crystal ball, which unfortunately was not glowing at the time. He was dressed entirely in maroon, his turban and his robes. He had rings of silver and shiny medalions swinging from his neck. Not sure what he does when he is not out fighting the forces of evil. Probably has a boring day job. Kept a look out for hobbits and cute elves but didn't see any. drats.
Still on the topic of fashion, the 80s and punk thing is really big. Have seen some ghastly fashion mistakes wondering around - striped leg warmers, polka dots and hot pink. Places that play 80s music are really hot too and, as lingam put it, frequented by people too young to remember the 80s or those who were cool in the 80s.
Retro is very big too, with new, pseudo-retro clothes going above the $100 mark, and second-hand, actually retro items at less than $10 from the thrift shops around. Go figure.
The suburban shopping centres here are huge, but in that bland colourless way. While the clothes didn't tempt me, I walked away with 2 $15 DVDs and a $9 one. Terry Gilliam's Baron Man-can't spell his name something, Muppets take Manhattan and Basquiat ( it has david bowie and gary oldman. And it was $9.)
Tonight is sex and the city and american idol on the telly, so it looks like I'll get very little done.
Still on the topic of fashion, the 80s and punk thing is really big. Have seen some ghastly fashion mistakes wondering around - striped leg warmers, polka dots and hot pink. Places that play 80s music are really hot too and, as lingam put it, frequented by people too young to remember the 80s or those who were cool in the 80s.
Retro is very big too, with new, pseudo-retro clothes going above the $100 mark, and second-hand, actually retro items at less than $10 from the thrift shops around. Go figure.
The suburban shopping centres here are huge, but in that bland colourless way. While the clothes didn't tempt me, I walked away with 2 $15 DVDs and a $9 one. Terry Gilliam's Baron Man-can't spell his name something, Muppets take Manhattan and Basquiat ( it has david bowie and gary oldman. And it was $9.)
Tonight is sex and the city and american idol on the telly, so it looks like I'll get very little done.
Friday, March 19, 2004 at 11:35 AM
not much has changed in the touchy-feely classes, only now we are supposed to know what we're poking at. School is going by really fast, which is a bad thing in that it means the exams will just sneak up. It looks like it will probably be last minute work.
saw this in the paper the other day, an 83-year-old man was riding a harley. He's a member of a club of senior bikers, and their motto is "grow old disgracefully'. Sounds like fun, although I hope he can still pass his eyesight test.
By the way, all the cheap spices in singapore are insanely priced here. Ginger is $7 a kg, and a stick of lemongrass goes for more than a dollar. The vegetable seller in the market used to give them to me for free sometimes. It makes me want to go colonise some tropical Asian country.
It's been a sober st patrick's day, only because I am too tired to go get beer. anyhow, the days are getting colder and the thought of draining a frosty one is not exactly appealing. Although I'm still up for ice cream.
And if you are reading this, drop me a line sometime? It gets lonely being a one-way radio.
saw this in the paper the other day, an 83-year-old man was riding a harley. He's a member of a club of senior bikers, and their motto is "grow old disgracefully'. Sounds like fun, although I hope he can still pass his eyesight test.
By the way, all the cheap spices in singapore are insanely priced here. Ginger is $7 a kg, and a stick of lemongrass goes for more than a dollar. The vegetable seller in the market used to give them to me for free sometimes. It makes me want to go colonise some tropical Asian country.
It's been a sober st patrick's day, only because I am too tired to go get beer. anyhow, the days are getting colder and the thought of draining a frosty one is not exactly appealing. Although I'm still up for ice cream.
And if you are reading this, drop me a line sometime? It gets lonely being a one-way radio.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004 at 7:44 PM
I have my own bouldering wall. well, not my own in terms of
owning it, but it is just five minutes away. Across the bridge
where I live is um the bridge. Okay, it's a bridge built with
very rough stones, and runs for about 100m. So effectively,
it's a 100m long bouldering wall. Nice crimps, a couple of jugs
and it seems like a mix of pitted limestoney stones and dairy
farm granite. There are already a couple of routes chalked up,
so it looks like it will keep me occupied for a bit.
owning it, but it is just five minutes away. Across the bridge
where I live is um the bridge. Okay, it's a bridge built with
very rough stones, and runs for about 100m. So effectively,
it's a 100m long bouldering wall. Nice crimps, a couple of jugs
and it seems like a mix of pitted limestoney stones and dairy
farm granite. There are already a couple of routes chalked up,
so it looks like it will keep me occupied for a bit.
at 8:59 AM
I'm sitting in the school lab in the print queue, waiting for a guy with a 200-over page document to finish printing. And there I was complaining about the 20-page stack we have to print out every week. Don't see why the school can't compile it into a book and sell it. Was going to post something else originally but i can't remember what it was now. i'm definitely losing it.
Sunday, March 14, 2004 at 7:41 AM
I thought I'd never live to see the day when the words "cunning linguist" and "oral sex" were mentioned in a parliament sitting in Singapore, so I ought to be glad that I'm still breathing. Hats off to the brave PAP man who said it.
What would be more fun to know is how many ordinary people actually understood the joke. Then again, Her World ran a sealed sex supplement before I left so maybe things are really changing. It makes me feel old, to remember a time when there was no sex in the media at all, when a 3-second kiss on a local drama serial became a talking point.
On the school front, work is piling up. I don't remember studying so hard before. This time it's facts that you have to know and can't smoke. And I'm still adjusting to not having had any homework for the past 4 years. Hopefully the old brain will be able to crank up to speed by the time exams come around.
The lecturers are either brilliant or excruciating. Some do no better then give slideshow presentations which are not even their own. The slides are supplied by the textbook publishers and, of course, it's a complusory text. Even though the human body has been unchanged for centuries as any textbook would tell you.
The anatomy prof is the best though, and not because the competition sucks. Any man who holds up the middle finger in class to demonstrate a medical fact (nerve supply, for those who are wondering) rules in my book.
On the home front, have found myself a flatmate. Fellow Singaporean, business student and aspiring gourmet. Should be interesting. He's got an older ibook, the white one. Am typing this blog on it right now (will explain below). I thought nobody would use macs here but it's pretty popular. Sigh. Now I feel like such a traitor for ever doubting Steve Jobs and getting a Toshiba.
Funny moment: He agreed to share Internet access with me. Then, he looked at the single phone line and asked: how to network?
Me: You want to network on a 56k dialup?
he: Ah.
Damn it. We've been spoiled by cheap broadband.
And that's why I've gotta borrow his ibook - it's a local call each time we dial up, so we can save if I use his ibook after he's done with it instead of making a new connection from my laptop. crummy isps here.
What would be more fun to know is how many ordinary people actually understood the joke. Then again, Her World ran a sealed sex supplement before I left so maybe things are really changing. It makes me feel old, to remember a time when there was no sex in the media at all, when a 3-second kiss on a local drama serial became a talking point.
On the school front, work is piling up. I don't remember studying so hard before. This time it's facts that you have to know and can't smoke. And I'm still adjusting to not having had any homework for the past 4 years. Hopefully the old brain will be able to crank up to speed by the time exams come around.
The lecturers are either brilliant or excruciating. Some do no better then give slideshow presentations which are not even their own. The slides are supplied by the textbook publishers and, of course, it's a complusory text. Even though the human body has been unchanged for centuries as any textbook would tell you.
The anatomy prof is the best though, and not because the competition sucks. Any man who holds up the middle finger in class to demonstrate a medical fact (nerve supply, for those who are wondering) rules in my book.
On the home front, have found myself a flatmate. Fellow Singaporean, business student and aspiring gourmet. Should be interesting. He's got an older ibook, the white one. Am typing this blog on it right now (will explain below). I thought nobody would use macs here but it's pretty popular. Sigh. Now I feel like such a traitor for ever doubting Steve Jobs and getting a Toshiba.
Funny moment: He agreed to share Internet access with me. Then, he looked at the single phone line and asked: how to network?
Me: You want to network on a 56k dialup?
he: Ah.
Damn it. We've been spoiled by cheap broadband.
And that's why I've gotta borrow his ibook - it's a local call each time we dial up, so we can save if I use his ibook after he's done with it instead of making a new connection from my laptop. crummy isps here.
Monday, March 08, 2004 at 4:12 PM
finally moved into my place. It's about 20 min from town, and 40 min to school, by public transport. Am currently typing on a chair, as I still need to get a dining table. House is now partially furnished, which is nice. Bought a really dinky coffee table, and you never realise how great ikea furniture (and instructions) are until you have to put one of these together. Instead of having screw in bits, it had a hole in the wood, a minature plastic cup with grooves to fit into the hole, and another screw to put in. I actually had to jump to get the plastic cups into the wood. Where's bigjoe when you need him, that's what I wanna know. Another first: using my rock-climbing equipment. Yes, I used a sling and two biners to carry the box the coffee table came it. Now that it's all fixed, I just hope it doesn't collapse.
The good news is that my place is just besides a bridge, and I noticed that it has bouldering potential, cos it is built with bricks that have all sort of edges. Will give it a shot one day and hope the neighbours don't complain. There is also a good jogging/cycling trail by the river nearby, so the plan is to go there at least five times this year. You know how it is when facilities are near, you just end up not going.
Point of interest: One of the other places I had my eye on had a memorable address, 7/11 Street name. But I didn't get it, thus ending a potential supply of bad jokes. Am now on the hunt for someone to share this place with, I don't need two bedrooms anyway. So if you know anyone coming over... yell.
The good news is that my place is just besides a bridge, and I noticed that it has bouldering potential, cos it is built with bricks that have all sort of edges. Will give it a shot one day and hope the neighbours don't complain. There is also a good jogging/cycling trail by the river nearby, so the plan is to go there at least five times this year. You know how it is when facilities are near, you just end up not going.
Point of interest: One of the other places I had my eye on had a memorable address, 7/11 Street name. But I didn't get it, thus ending a potential supply of bad jokes. Am now on the hunt for someone to share this place with, I don't need two bedrooms anyway. So if you know anyone coming over... yell.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004 at 10:39 AM
If anyone is checking this, don't send mail to my yahoo account for the time being. Just click on the e-mail me link here to contact me via the school account. In the process of moving, so won't have internet at home for a while. And the school won't allow yahoo or hotmail access so there.
I've never spent so much on textbooks or carried such heavy ones around. Definitely need a car to lug it all around. Wil be getting up close and personal with my classmates' butts (we are doing the lubarsacral region) in the next couple of weeks... it is not fun to be poking around there looking for landmarks (the bony bits, I don't know what you've got in mind).
Off to get coffee before another two hours of lessons.
I've never spent so much on textbooks or carried such heavy ones around. Definitely need a car to lug it all around. Wil be getting up close and personal with my classmates' butts (we are doing the lubarsacral region) in the next couple of weeks... it is not fun to be poking around there looking for landmarks (the bony bits, I don't know what you've got in mind).
Off to get coffee before another two hours of lessons.
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